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Things I've Found 62 (Cancer is Not Only an Astrological Sign; It Gave Me a Neat Dueling Scar!)—8/17/2006

by Mark Rose

I have been incommunicado for a while due to what turned out to be a minor health issue: a pleomorphic adenoma of the submandibular region (which is so totally going to be my band name next summer). Everything is good but I have a wicked scar along my neck, which I tell the young'uns that I got in a dueling school in Germany. It goes over well. And, now onto the things!

Bridesmaid Dresses from Hell: I think the title pretty much says it all. http://www.uglydress.com/

Don’t you wish you could make a full-size Ferrari out of knitting yarn? Now she’s going to work on the engine: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006270608,00.html

Ah, music videos. I remember the coolest video ever on MTV (back when they used to show videos) being a song of The Replacements and the whole video just showed a hand keeping time on a couch while a stereo speaker boomed in the background. Well now a band called OK Go has made a very cool video featuring....treadmills. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

Take a stroll through Exploitation Retrospect’s record collection and be disturbed by album covers from The Vibrators, and offerings from Colonel Sanders himself. It’s only three pages long but worth every click. http://www.dantenet.com/er/records/index.html

This is lovely. A miniature Stonehenge watch so you can tell time like the Druids...er, well not really the Druids since they weren’t around then, but whoever put those freakin’ stones up in the first place. And it’s only $40 which is pretty sweet for a pocket watch. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/watches/7d2b/

NASCAR-themed Harlequin romance novels. Need we say more? http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/sports/motorsports/14867057.htm

Are You a Yankee or a Rebel? Take this simple online word test to find out: http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/yankeetest.html. There’s a lot of cool things in this questionnaire. They nailed my Great Lakes heritage on a couple of questions. It turns out I’m 33% Dixie but most definitely a Yankee in all respects. Remember, we did win the war after all.

It’s Cuervo Season, Baby! Jose Cuervo tequila has a new advertising Web site up that’s pretty cute: http://www.cuervoseason.com/. It features two average guys who seem like they’re sports commentators. They do all the clichéd things sports commentators do on shows like SportsCenter, etc. Although I must admit I’ve never seen Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick do a ShotSki. The best part is to just let the show run and not click anything and see all the inane back and forth banter. For broadband connections.

In honor of the World Cup, this site allows you to see what your name would look like on a Brazilian soccer shirt! http://www.minimalsworld.net/BrazilName/brazilian.shtml. Very cool. My name by the way comes out as "Roseta Santos". Roseta Santos with the ball, what a move, he shoots, GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course you remember the famous horse head scene in "The Godfather," don’t you? Well, now you can get the commemorative pillow! http://kropserkel.com/horse_head_pillow.htm

The 10 Best Minor League Baseball Promotions: http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/sports/15047914.htm

The Chinese government has created an intricate scale landscape model in Huangyangtan. Most likely, it's being used by helicopter pilots to familiarize themselves with the scenery in case military action is ever required as the landscape represents a contested area on the China/India border. But it was found by curious folks using Google Earth. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/19/huangyangtan_mystery/. Interesting.

Well, we've done this before but here's a new list of The Top 10 Coolest LEGO Gadgets ever: http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/top-10-coolest-lego-gadgets. How about a working pinball machine, a crossbow, and a snack vending machine?

Neighbors. You could probably live without them if you tried, couldn't you? There's an interesting neighborly fracas happening as reported by the Salt Lake City Tribune. One man is building his house a little too close to his neighbors. They complain to the city. In response, the man creates a "beautiful abstract" window assemblance that he says looks like a "cactus." Ummm. Click on the link, then click on the top photo to enlarge and tell me just what finger that cactus is using: http://www.sltrib.com/utah/ci_4188445

And to think I once liked Connie Chung. Here’s her joky thanks for the memories goodbye from her recent cancelled show with co-host and husband Maury Povich: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcozKfpbmaA. Make sure you have an empty stomach.

Obligatory Political Comment of the Issue: What's your position on Congressional Pork? My belief is that the Federal Government has no business taking taxpayer dollars and distributing it willy-nilly to the states for all kinds of unusual reasons, almost all of which are buried in non-controversial Congressional bills that don't get reported by the press. Did you know that the Federal Government has provided a half a million dollars to the State of Washington to help pay for the super-ugly sculpture park currently blighting the land near Pier 70 in downtown Seattle? Whether you think Richard Serra's monstrous wall of rust is a good investment or not, why should the United States government give any amount of money to this state in order to fund a regional museum of contemporary sculpture? Shouldn't the state find their own money to support this goal, if that is what they want? Well, now Congressman Jeff Flake (R-AZ) has managed to get up and down votes on very specific pork projects so you can see just what money is going where: http://www.clubforgrowth.org/2006/07/435_districts_435_blogs_agains.php. A vote of "Yes" indicated the United States government has no business providing free funds to, say, the state of Kentucky for a Tourist Development Association ($1 million), or a swimming pool in Banning, California ($500K) and on and on (the full list is at the bottom of the page). As you can see, Washington State lawmakers haven't found a money teat they're not willing to suck dry. The next time you hear whines about underfunded education and poor people in this country, think about the money that goes into these boondoggles. Just a thought.

And so until next time, remember, it's always Cuervo Season!