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by Lucius Shepard

Things I've Found 21 (GOOOAAAALLLLL!!!!!!!!)—6/14/2002

by Mark Rose

World Cup: Oh yes, I love the World Cup. Games come on at 11:30pm and go through the night. If I was 20 again, I tell ya, you wouldn’t be able to get me to go to sleep. And the US has gone through. Oh yes, they suffered the traditional Jeff Agoos attack. I personally counted 4 goals that Agoos gave up for us but we’re still through with some great surprise teams like South Korea, Senegal, and say au revoir to France, Portugal and Argentina. Snicker.

Crop Art: Dedicated to the beauty of seeds pasted on a board to make a picture.


Well, it doesn’t get any more straightforward than that, does it? But some of Lillian Colton’s work is amazing, like this image of Barbra Streisand:


Or Ernest Hemingway:


Or a strangely feminized Charles Lindbergh:


Who would have ever thought schlock comedysongmeister Ray Stevens would be immortalized this way?


Education: You know, I never had teachers like this:


English professor gives exams, then starts looking at porn on his computer. Students notice because his computer was hooked up to the large screen overhead projector. Oh my.

Ask Mr. Science: Solid water is not just science fiction:


If solid water doesn’t sound thirst-quenching, how about nicotine-tinged water?


And if water isn’t your thing, students at the University of Purdue have invented a beer-flavored spice (you think I’m kidding, don’t you?):


Archives: Oh man, I want to work at the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh. They’re going through Warhol’s maniacally collected boxes of stuff (he had over 600 of them at his death) one by one, cataloguing the contents. Some of it is very strange, but the surprise of opening each box would be a lot of fun.

[link omitted] [This broke the record for the longest link in Things I’ve Found which doesn’t work. So instead, just visit the museum: http://www.warhol.org/]

Am I Gay?: I have two older brothers, both of whom get this zine. University of Toronto researchers think that might mean I’m gay. Oh great, thanks, bros!


Industrial Strength Color-Note Organ: Need I say more? Synaesthetic musical noodling for a free download. Try it and tell me what you think.


Mark Twain: The funniest Twain essay ever. It’s a super-negative review of James Fenimore Cooper’s “The Last of the Mohicans.” Reviewers don’t write like this any more because of the fear of retribution, both professional and legal. Nasty stuff, but brilliantly done. The beginning’s a little slow but when Twain deconstructs the Indians jumping onto the canal boat, it really heats up. Read it all but if you’re in a hurry, start with the paragraph that begins “If Cooper had been an observer . . .”


South Park: Be your own South Park character:

http://southpark.gamesweb.com/flash/sp-studio.html [Well, you’ll have to do it on your own time. The site has closed.]

Things Watched: Haiku Tunnel (quirky and fun), Pollock (quirky but not very fun and not very good frankly. Ed Harris was better in The Abyss but he didn’t get an Academy Nomination for that).

Things Being Listened To: Aden (but not for long), O.A.R. (very good traditional Midwestern roots rock that sounds surprisingly good), Puffy AmiYumi (Puffy AmiYumi Rules!!!!!)

Things Being Read: Mike Nelson’s two books (Movie Megacheese and Mind Over Matters, both highly recommended); Mike Daisey’s 21 Dog Years about his time at Amazon.com (an essential and hilarious look at the Internet bubble; if you ever wondered what it was like for most of us in the technological whirlpool, this is a great start — read it along with Fred Moody’s “I Sing The Body Electronic.” Chilling.)

Ta ta.